His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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