I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think your dad took our porno
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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