Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
