ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
