I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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