this just has baby written all over it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
