OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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