Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
