I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
