just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
