3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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