New invention idea: vibrating tampons
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize