I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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