Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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