I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
