too bad you live with your parents still
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
