woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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