I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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