so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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