Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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