was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
