he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize