i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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