update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
