Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
