2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize