please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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