no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
