a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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