Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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