so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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