Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Let's paint friendship bongs
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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