I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
