peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
