My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Randomize
