UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
