I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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