I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
