I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
