if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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