i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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