Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
