After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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