Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
