Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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