worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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