So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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