I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
