tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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