when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
