3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
