This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Panties = found
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
