Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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