It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he thought i was a dude.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize