You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
