I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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