I want to make a zoo with you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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