I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
