put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
