My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
